i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize