Someone shit on the floor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
