I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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