So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
