why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
