Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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