I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize