Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize