fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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