Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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