Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
