I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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