he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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