I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
