so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
