My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and she was petting her beer can
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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