I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
