shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
