I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
