if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
