Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you will always have a special place in my vag
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
