Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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