I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
