Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
