I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
