We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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