I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
