I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
