and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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