So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
