oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize