Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
