Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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