Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
