if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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