he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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