1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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