She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize