I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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