Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
