I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
