I'm lost and stupid without you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Panties = found
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
