I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
