Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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