Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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