I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is the high leading the old right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
