Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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