I wanna bring you to show and tell
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
