Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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