my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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