Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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