There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize