I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
