I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize