So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
