for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
