Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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