Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
