her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
