So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
