Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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