On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
