I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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