Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
