tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
