I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
