dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize