I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
