Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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