Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
