half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
