her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
