I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
