i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
