After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
